this is what I see


When There's So Much Going On


It’s 2019 and we’re already at the beginning of the third month into the year. It’s been difficult, but not really. I’ve been busy with work and trying to manage my time better outside of it. There are some days where all I want to do is rest and watch movies; other times I just want to do so many things that I don’t know where to begin. That’s how it always is - isn’t it?


If I’m being perfectly honest, winter is sort of my creative hiatus. We had some real cold days this year and I didn’t want to go outside at all to take pictures or to hang out much. I managed to do one drawing so far and I’m proud of it, but I’m afraid I haven’t challenged myself enough. That’s why sometimes I’m reclusive when it comes to my work. I don’t feel challenged and therefore I become so incredibly bored that I begin to do other things with my time until I feel inspired again. I’m trying to talk to people more and study them and how I interact with others. I like people and I thoroughly enjoy observing other people’s mannerisms and seeing how our personalities differ from one another… but I experience this sense of wanting something more.

I’ve appreciated my downtime this winter, but I’m looking forward to more. I have my hair appointment in a few weeks, I have new ideas for drawing - something disturbing and beautiful is what I want to create, I’m managing my personal life better (which is why I was very dull this winter - so many responsibilities had to be seen to first to ease my own anxiety). I feel like I’m ready to bust out of my lazy cocoon and do something. I’ve updated the logo to my website and I’m quite proud of it. I’ve updated the look to it and I feel like it better represents where I’m at creatively. Flourishing for something new and exciting. Blossoming into beauty and chaos.

On Friday, after work, I hung out with my brother. Very rarely do I actually go out in the spur of the moment but I’ve had a trying week and I knew I needed to do something else besides sitting at home. We got some drinks and dinner and had a wonderful time. I forgot how much I enjoy spending time with my brother. It rejuvenated me because it reminded me that I am a fun, colorful, silly person. I like myself more now than I did last year or the year before. Rediscovering yourself sometimes means dry-spells, but they’re not forever. I have an idea of what I want to create and I’ll get to it soon enough. I only wanted to update my website and whoever is out there, that I’m still here and I’m still telling myself it’s okay to take time for you.


Logo - redesigned

Designed in Adobe Illustrator, 2019